One day, a friend invited me
to see a Sufi Master.
Sidi is known by his students as the Guide of Love, Mercy, Peace, Freedom and Justice for all the people.
As I kicked off my Doc Martens and entered the room, I saw everyone was wearing soft, flowing fabrics and many had their heads covered. I wore a black sleeveless shirt, and had styled my bleached-blonde hair in big spikes. I obviously didn’t get the memo.
Being the good student that I am, though, I kicked off my shoes and made my way to the front and sat down. I was burning with questions about my purpose and that big desire I had, but nothing would come out. Then from nowhere, Sidi turned to face me and said, “Child, you must learn to take the apple one bite at a time.”
I sat there, stunned. What did he know about me? I wanted to take my apple, puree it up, and eat the whole damn thing in one bite! His comment created a stir in me—I couldn’t wait to get the F*#% out of there. But, something told me to sit still.
Moments later, I felt my heart
open to love like never before.
I have tried for years to put words to this experience, and this is the only way I can describe it. A voice of knowing whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry about what it means to be a Sufi. Just know that you are giving your hand to Me.” I recognized God’s presence.
Before I knew it, I was kneeling in front of Sidi and being guided through an Arabic prayer. I was taking the “Promise”—to be honest, to be sincere, to walk straight, and to follow the teachings of the Prophets and the Holy Books.
Then I received my spiritual name, Tasnim, which means “a fountain or spring in Heaven flowing of the sweetest waters.” Say what? Me? I was way more muddy creek than heavenly spring.
Over the years, I kept returning to the teachings, which Sufis curiously enough call “the Path.” And for every, single question I had, the Path had an answer.
I was finally, finally finding my way Home.
the unthinkable happened.
One dreary October day, I found myself on the sofa, deep in the grief-drenched depression I’d been in since the suicide of my boyfriend, Jay, six months before.
It was Jay’s birthday, and as I sat there on our once shared sofa, wondering how to celebrate his special day, a thought came to me. “Get up and go for a drive,” it said. I had no intention of going anywhere. But the voice didn’t let up. Eventually, I overcame my resistance. I got myself off the sofa and into my car.
I had no idea where I was going. After a long drive from Portland through a raging downpour, I suddenly knew. I was going to Eagle Creek. The same place Jay had begun his rite-of-passage, 10-day solo hike to Mt. Hood, 10 years earlier.
After fighting with myself about actually getting out of the car, I began the journey, following my intuition or faith or whatever it was leading me. I was cold and resisting every step of the way, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Finding my way. Following some kind of cosmic instructions.
After experiencing changes in terrain, crossing downed trees that were taller than me and blocking the trail and having no direction whatsoever, I finally reached the height of the trail. As I ran up to the top, the rain suddenly stopped, making way for a beautiful rainbow.
As the clouds parted and the sun peeked through, I fell to my knees crying- giving thanks for the exquisite view before me. As I did, the same loving presence I had experienced when I was with Sidi the first time said, “Thank yourself for having the courage to show up!”
It was then I realized that every single thing we experience in life (even the most painful) is Divinely choreographed and the miracle that is my life is waiting for me to show up for it!
As I sat there, looking out over the expansive Columbia Gorge, contemplating this, an eagle flew overhead, and I knew. Jay’s spirit had called me to the top of that mountain for a final goodbye. He was helping me release this grief. He was helping me remember my big dream. He was helping me find my path again.
I came down from that mountain and I began gathering my medicine.
It has taken me a while to comprehend the enormous mercy and essence of what I’m carrying.
People who know me these days often tell me I’m present, luminous and clear—like a fountain might be—and I believe that’s due to honoring my true, straight and narrow path. I know how to dismantle fear and anxiety when they arrive and take me off course.
Along the way, I learned to tell my real story—unveiling each uncomfortable layer to reveal the next small bit of truth underneath that I’d been hiding from the world. I am now free to stand in the truth of who I am, so I can share my voice & healing gifts with the world in bigger and more impactful ways.
Each day I fall more in love with myself and now feel comfortable sharing the universal truths I have unearthed along the way. I have healed much of what held me back, and have also learned to be a much better mother to my two boys.
As a teacher and mentor, I help others find and connect to their own version of divinity so they are free from distractions and struggle to do their important work in the world.
Many of my clients come to me ready to face the fears that hold them back. They are ready to embody the truth of who they are, and finally give voice to their deepest dreams and desires.
Everyone’s path is different. My mission is to teach you how to trust yourself and keep following the path you know, deep-down, to be true.
In our noisy world, there are a million reasons not to answer the call of your heart (and I am intimately familiar with all of them).
If you are a sensitive and empathic leader, way-shower or change-maker navigating your own path of self-discovery, whether in life or in business, I can help you uncover the patterns that are holding you back from courageously sharing your voice and gifts and experiencing everything you desire in this life.